Why You Won’t #MuteRKelly and You Cheered at #ShaCarriRichardson Losing — — Admit It: You Hate Black Women & Girls

I am a Black woman who unapologetically loves Black Women and Girls.

I love them and support them, no matter how they show up in this world.

I love them, even when they do not love themselves

Because someone has to.

More and more as time goes on, I realize that many people hate Black women and girls.

Those same people will loudly proclaim that the opposite is true,

But you cannot truly love Black girls and women, if the requirement of doing so comes with multiple disclaimers

About how they dress

How they talk

Where they live

What they have or have not done for you

Their sexual orientation

The traumas society has inflicted upon them

Or the 50 million “buts” that determine whether or not you are there for them

You do not truly love Black women and girls if that love comes with an asterisk

The hatred society has for Black women and girls is not new.

It is historical and remains acceptable, even as we protest the oppression and violence against everyone else.

And one does not have to go far to find examples of it.

We are seeing this venom in the ongoing response to #RKelly and his abuse of Black girls

As R. Kelly goes to trial, there are still those who blame the Black girls for being abused by someone who used his celebrity and financial resources to not only buy the silence of those within his inner circle, but to also prey on the naivete of young girls who only saw the possibility of stardom

And even though we have known for decades that R. Kelly was preying on young girls, some remained silent, because, as stated in the Surviving R. Kelly documentary “Nobody cares about Black girls”….

While others shouted their support for this abuse of Black girls

Or insisted that the music he made was worth damaging Black girl souls

Because a great beat is more important than Black girlhood

We hear it in the ongoing response to #ShaCarriRichardson who continues to display a confidence in her potential and future life’s direction

We gloat at her coming up short in her recent race

Because we cannot seem to support Black women when they are not winning, when they are not doing something for us

And when they fail, we shine a spotlight on that failure because there is something in us that does not value their success

We demand that Sha’Carri “humble” herself and care more about what we think, than what she thinks about herself

But this is not new for Black women and girls, because the expectation has always been that we matter the least

That our needs take a backseat to everyone else’s

That our importance exists in how much emotional, physical, financial and sexual labor we provide to others

Our confidence in ourselves and dismissal of the demands of others is not tolerated

And yet, there are those who will try to hide their disdain for Black women and girls like Sha’Carri, insisting that they would love her — -within the asterisks

If she would just

Not be so loud

Find ways of processing past griefs in a way that works for us

If she would just not make a mistake

If she would just

Shut up and run

There are other Black women and girls who are realizing that there are many in the world who hate us

Who are comfortable in our oppression and marginalization

And that some of those people are Black women and girls

Because we have internalized the “Love with an asterisk”

We have been groomed to believe that we are only deserving of consideration if we embody respectability — and we are at times, the most vocal in our denigration of other Black women and girls

Still

We are owed love without

the minimization of our pain and victimization for the protection of those society values more

Or the expectation that we must fit in a mold that society deems acceptable

Or the requirement that we not see our worth or prioritize it

Or the belief that our setbacks define us

We are owed love without stipulations

And if you truly love Black women and girls, that is what we will see

#BlackGirlhood #MuteRKelly #ShaCarriRichardson #DrTyffani #CenteringSisters

Images: Sha’carri via Instagram; Mute R Kelly image via Wikipedia

Dr. Tyffani is a licensed psychologist. Her hardest job is being a Black Woman who centers the experiences of Black women and girls — -and pushing for people to do the same “without an asterisk”. She is aware that R Kelly is having his day in court and adds the “asterisk” here about “allegations”. Make sure to “Like” her page and listen to her on the Centering Sisters Videocast on Facebook Live (@CenteringSisters) and on Youtube