We Are Going To Talk About Kanye: When “Fighting” For Your Family Is Dangerous
I am not a fan of Kim Kardashian. I am honest about that. It is not because of her fame starting with a sex tape (because denigrating a woman for being a sexual being or choosing to make the best of someone’s attempt to exploit a sexual interaction is never acceptable or even a woman choosing to monetize her sexual agency is her right). I am simply not a fan of someone benefitting off of the same Black aesthetic for which Black women have been vilified
Yet, Kim Kardashian does not deserve what #Kanye is doing.
In saying so, I know there will be those who state that, as a Black woman who consistently states that she centers Black women, girls, and femmes, this is not my fight
Others will claim that Kanye is a Black man and therefore, we must side with him
And then, there will be another group that reminds me that, as a “whole mental health professional”, I should have more compassion for Kanye because he is diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder (FYI, I did not diagnose him, do not know if he confirmed his diagnosis, and make it a practice as a “whole mental health professional” to never address the individual diagnosis of someone that I do not know. Also, there are people with Bipolar Disorder who are not violent and are simply trying to live their lives)
But, in my Encanto voice
We are going to talk about Kanye
More specifically, there is a need to address how, his social media comments and other actions are the same gender-based violence behaviors that impact Black women
And that some of the excuses and responses being given around his conduct are what make the attempts for Black women to leave safely even more difficult
There is this belief that his actions are excusable because “He is just fighting for his family”
There are statements about Kim “moving on too early” to justify his responses and veiled (?) threats against her boyfriend
There are the arguments that “she knew what she was getting into” to minimize her concerns
There are also those who blame his Bipolar diagnosis for all of it
If my focus is on Black women, some will question why this issue that does not have a Black woman in sight, is one that should concern Black women
Well, we know, when White Women catch a cold, Black women catch the flu
If the world is willing to excuse gender-based violence tactics against Kim Kardashian — -within and outside of our community — -we know that there will be no protection for Black women and girls who suffer the same fate
Our flu is demonstrated by statistics on Intimate Partner Violence that tells us, according to the Black Women’s Maternal Health Week 2019: Futures Without Violence report, 43.7% of Black women have experienced physical violence from an intimate partner, which is significantly higher than the national average of intimate partner violence (IPV) experienced by women of all races (25%). By race/ethnicity, non-Hispanic Black women had the highest rate of dying by homicide (4.4 per 100,000 compared to 1.5 per 100,000 white women), at least 51.3% of which were IPV-related.
So, we need to talk about Kanye and how we choose to normalize or report that it is “not our business” that he is attempting to control the current relationships of his former partner, that he makes comments about the expectation that she continue to allow him in her space, and that he makes claims that her failure to be with him is damaging to his children.
These are all arguments that are used to pressure Black women into staying with (or returning to) partners that abuse them. Within our community, we will also praise Black women’s partners for “not giving up on love”, when what they are not giving up on is the idea of taking away the agency of Black women to be loved the way they deserve to be.
We will gaslight Black women about their failure to “hold their family together”, when the nature of the intimate relationship makes it impossible for them to hold onto their sanity
We will shame Black women for setting boundaries with former partners who consistently violated their emotional, physical, and sexual ones — — because we don’t deem them worthy of having them.
And when their partners finally kill or seriously injure them, we will have the audacity to mourn
Because how we chose to frame violence and harassment as “cute”, “romantic”, or “not our business”, provided the environment for the damage to be done
So, yes, as the sister of a Black woman murdered by her intimate partner, we have no choice but to talk about Kanye
Dr. Dent is a licensed psychologist. Her hardest job is being a Black Woman who centers the experiences of ALL Black women and girls. She dedicates all of her work to her sister Sonya L. Howton who was murdered by her intimate partner in May of 1991.
Make sure to “Like” her page and listen to her on the Centering Sisters Videocast on Facebook Live (@CenteringSisters) and on Youtube
#IntimatePartnerViolence #Kanye #CenteringSisters #DrTyffani