Stop Confusing “For Myself” with “For “The Streets”: Our Obsession with #LoriHarvey and The Policing Black Women’s Dating Habits
There is this phrase “for the streets” that is often put on to Black women who have sexual experiences outside of one (or two) heterosexual monogamous relationships.
It is used to shame Black women who choose to explore sexual relationships outside of the confines of a marital relationship
Notice, it is only used for Black women and girls
Not for the cis-het men and boys with whom they engage in these sexual acts
Because these same men and boys — -who are literally “the Street” are instead encouraged to
‘Sow their wild oats”
“Get it whenever you can”
And have their very manhood in part defined by their “body count”
We push this narrative of Black women and girls staying “sexually pure” for these same men and boys who are encouraged to be a “wasteland of sexual activity”
Because Black women and girls in heterosexual relationships are expected to “save” themselves for these men and boys who have spent their best years drowning in sexual partners
One cannot solely blame Black men and boys for this misogynoiristic take on Black women/girls’ sexuality
Black women are one of the largest groups who cluck their tongues at the sexual experiences of other Black women and girls — while they themselves are sometimes in relationships that are not satisfying to them
Or as they continue to wait to be “picked” by the same men who are benefitting from their investment in waiting
So, when we women such as #LoriHarvey or even #ErykahBadu have high profile relationships at various points in time with different partners
We roll our eyes at them and question their value
While dismissing their male partners who have also engaged in serial monogamy
Black women and girls deserve happiness
Black women and girls have a right (just as their cis-het male counterparts) to not settle for less than that
To not be required to remain in relationships with those who are not meeting their needs
Or to be in relationships at all
Every Black woman does not want to marry (or even then, to marry when everyone else believes they should)
The ultimate prize in our existence should not be waiting for someone to marry us
If we choose marriage, fine
If we do not choose it, that should be fine as well
Instead of denigrating Black women who decide that they want something more (or not) in relationships
We should celebrate Black women who choose marriage
And also celebrate those who do not
Black women experiencing joy in whatever relationship status they choose should be honored
Let the Streets proclaim THAT
Dr. Tyffani is a licensed psychologist who centers the needs of Black Women and Girls in her work. She wants Black women and girls to choose their own relationship status based upon what works for her. She side-eyes Black women who gleefully shame other Black women, while at the same time clapping for Black women who are living their romantic lives in the ways that work best for them. She is the co-founder of Centering Sisters and co-hosts its podcast. Subscribe to the Centering Sisters podcast on Youtube. Like both the Centering Sisters and the Dr. Tyffani Facebook pages
#DrTyffani #LoriHarvey #Misogynoir #CenteringSisters