More “No” & “Thank you” (Or Not): 2021 Resolution for Black Women
Usually, one begins the New Year by identifying a personal resolution. The goal being to address an area (or ten) that one hopes to change/improve within the coming year. Just like 2020 made many of us reevaluate what it means to remain connected when the need is to socially distance.
Or making it okay to just “Survive’ a pandemic versus the expectation that one “thrives” within it.
2020 has made me reevaluate what I should want/expect in 2021 (other than a working vaccine, a return to safe in-person gatherings, continuing to tackle systemic racism, and resources to address the emotional toil COVID 19 has had on the world….).
For 2021, I want something for Black women.
I want Black women to say “Thank you” and “No” more.
Recently, I gifted a fellow Black woman something. In return, she tried to pay me for what I had insisted was a gift. It made me realize that, as Black women, many of our relationships are transactional — -with our emotional and intellectual labor being what is expected in exchange for anything we are “given”.
No one seems to want to offer anything to Black women without the expectation that what they receive in return is of far greater value than what sacrifices Black Women are making.
For too long, reciprocity has not had the same meaning in a Black Woman’s relationships as it has had for others.
We are “gifted” a seat at a table — -when often we are the ones who have actually built the damn table in the first place,
or when our protests, ideas, and work have made the table possible.
We are “offered praise” for using our voices and our bodies to bring about change — -but quickly have our voices silenced when decisions are being made.
Black women are so used to being lauded for their sacrifice,
their “willingness” to be “martyrs for the cause”,
that when someone truly wants to give us a small piece of what we deserve, we scramble to find what we are expected to give in return.
Although we have been giving without compensation for too long.
So, for Black women, I want us to begin to take what is offered, and even insist on more than that.
Instead of trying to figure out what to “give back”, when we have literally “Given Our Backs”, we need to simply say
Thank you.
Or not.
Because sometimes, what is offered may not be enough.
And gratitude for less than what we are owed should also not be an expectation.
I want Black women to say “no” more.
“No” from their chests
“No” for the Ancestors
“No” for their daughters/other Black girls & femmes
“No” for themselves
We will often put aside our needs/wants to make sure that others achieve their own goals
We will “push-through” in utter emotional, physical, and spiritual exhaustion because “there is work to do”
We will put aside the need for justice to be intersectional — -hoping that by fighting at all of our intersections, others with whom we only share one of our identities — -may actually decide to fully fight for us
And in that hope, we find the World not letting us rest
Not prioritizing us
So, we must give ourselves permission to say
No
No to movements that are not intersectional
No to spaces that do not value Black women
No to those within our communities who do not love us
No to projects that take advantage of our passions — -that do not provide us compensation
No to things done for free that do not offer us joy
Black women, every year should be our year. Let’s work to make 2021 closer to that goal — -as we continue to exist in spaces that do not deserve us.
Happy New Year, Black Women.
#2021 #NewYear #NewYearsResolution #LoveBlackWomen #DrTyffani
Dr. Dent is a licensed psychologist. Her hardest job is being a Black Woman who centers the experiences of Black women and girls. She is learning to say thank you — -or not. She is now fully aware of the Power of No.