Lizzo, The Narrative of “Girlfriends” and Our Contradictory Beliefs About Sexual Harassment
As the news cycle has focused on the accusations of sexual harassment against Lizzo, it has again caused me to reflect on how our views and beliefs about sexual assault often twist and turn depending upon who is being identified as the person who caused harm. The goal in this reflection is not to argue whether to believe Lizzo or to believe her dancers. Yet, there is irony in some who loudly proclaim that we need to “Believe Survivors, struggling mightily in doing so, especially when “Believe Survivors” intersects with “Believing Black Women”, when the alleged victims and perpetrator both inhabit the second identity.
Sexual harassment and assault have been called “gender-based violence” for so long that we have bought into the idea that those who are males must be the harm-doers. Within the debates about whether or not Lizzo could have sexually harassed her dancers, some assert that the allegations of pressuring others to go to sexually-themed locations and insisting that they should participate in sexual acts within those establishments can be dismissed as harmless under the auspices of “girlfriend trip”. Yet, we fail to own the glaring power differential and the difficulty in saying no when the person coercing controls your financial livelihood. Even in this, the concept of power becomes lost because the person who holds the power is also a woman.
We also seem to want to assert that someone who has done good cannot cause harm. Many point out the donations Lizzo has made to charity, her making space for those within her staff and performances for those who have been denied it before as proof that she is incapable of sexual harassment. There is this belief that those who have engaged in sexual misconduct must be inherently bad people. They do not deserve second chances. They should be thrown away because they have no redeeming qualities. When in truth, people who cause sexual harm oftentimes have people who love them. They have careers (even if not in the spotlight). They make TV shows that embodied our childhoods. They serve as our teachers, our role models, our coaches, our religious leaders, and even our favorite family members.
For those who may believe that accusations against Lizzo are true, there is still this undercurrent of not wanting accountability (whatever that may look like). Instead, there is the argument that others must be accountable first. We dust off the allegations against Harvey Weinstein, Catholic priests, and others outside of our community demanding that they are punished first (NOTE: they have been). Even as we fail to identify that accountability can look like different things, and understandably sometimes needs to when dealing with a carceral system that historically and currently disproportionately punishes us.
One can choose to believe Lizzo or not.
One can choose to believe her dancers, or not.
What we cannot continue to do is reinforce the beliefs and justifications for sexual misconduct or assault done by anyone.
Dr. Tyffani is a licensed psychologist who centers the needs of Black Women and Girls in her work. Remember to “like” her page and “share” her posts. #BlackPsychologist #LoveBlackWomen #Lizzo