How “Move On” Can Be Emotionally Damaging

There are times when people cause harm and seek forgiveness because they acknowledge the need to be accountable for what they have done

They will acknowledge their wrongdoing

Ask what they need to do to repair the damage

And will hope that those they harmed will accept their apologies

Yet, somehow, when it comes to those who continue to be marginalized/oppressed, the world has redefined this process

Instead, there is a push to “Move on”, “Unify”

Without acknowledgement of harm

Or ownership for the oppression that has happened

This alleged “Feel-Good” mantra only feels good for those who then are not required to “own up” to their harm

Who are not expected to actually commit to any changes

Who can then continue to oppress

Knowing that such will be forgiven because those who are marginalized are expected to be “the bigger people”

In this recent election, people such as myself sent a message about how an administration

that gleefully amplified white supremacists

That unapologetically endorsed people, statements, and policies of racism, xenophobia, homophobia,etc

Was one that we were unwilling to accept

We voted

We voiced (through our ballots) that such harm was toxic, dangerous, and would not be tolerated

Yet, a significant portion of the population let it also be known that they were invested in maintaining white supremacy and that a primary goal was to continue to marginalize large segments of the population

They waved flags of White supremacy

They shouted their love of misogyny

And now, there is this gaslighting of those who have dealt with the impact of the normalization of abuse of large portions of the population

This expectation that we must find

“Common ground”

“Identify the good”

This is unfair, toxic, and dangerous

It continues to send the message that those who have experienced an Abusive America

Are now required to forget without acknowledgement of harm

To act as if the issue is not about recognition of our humanity

Or that changes will happen

This does nothing but attempt to silence our pain

Blanketed by fake unity with those whose actions remain divisive

No one who has been harmed should have to bear the responsibility of not demanding that those who caused it have consequences

Continuing to expect The Oppressed to hug their Oppressors will never result in anything but maintaining the status quo

We deserve better

We are not doing it

And maybe the thinking that we should…is something YOU need to “move on” from

#Election2020 #BlackWomenLead #IntersectionalAF #WhiteSupremacy #Forgiveness #CommonGround #DrTyffani

Dr. Dent is a licensed psychologist. Her hardest job is being a Black Woman who centers the experiences of Black women and girls. She recognizes that protecting one’s peace means that those who cause harm should not be permitted access to her space.