August, Jada, Red Tables & Exploiting the Vulnerabilities of Others
Working in sexual violence on the continuum — -with both survivors and those who have caused sexual harm, my mind exists in this space where I hold accountable those who cause the harm so they cannot hold onto justification for their choices,
while also feeling my heart ache for those whose experiences with what should be a level of love, sexual intimacy and connection — -has instead been one of abuse, exposure to sexual behavior too soon, and/or leaves them with pain, doubt, trauma, and a toxic view of what sexual intimacy and love should look like.
In this work, I know that sexual violence and manipulative sexual contact in which one exploits the vulnerabilities of others can happen no matter of the gender of the person. I also know that those who have been victimized are more likely to be harmed again or to find themselves in “relationship” where their “partner” sees and plays on that past trauma.
It is unacceptable
It should not be glorified
It needs to stop.
Recently, I saw the story of August Alsina who alleges a past sexual relationship with Jada Pinkett Smith. In this, he discusses not only that relationship, but past traumas that could do nothing less than leave him vulnerable — -seeking connection.
He was friends with her son.
She brought him into her home.
She sexualized a relationship that should have provided maternal nurturing — -and within his own trauma experience (in which sometimes victims are groomed to believe that sexual contact is the showing of love), the alleged relationship began.
If the relationship occurred, Jada is wrong
Just like grown men are wrong who prey on barely-legal (or not legal at all) girls and young women because they see that these girls/young women are seeking love and support to put together the fractured pieces left by trauma experiences.
What Jada (allegedly) did was not funny.
It was manipulative and harmful because it appears to have taken stock of the vulnerabilities of a broken young man with mental health issues, and used that knowledge to make him believe that he now had something REAL.
I do not blame those who are pulled into “dating” relationships by older people who groom them for continuing to want the relationship or even viewing it as something that it is not — — because that is the goal — -to get the vulnerable person to view the situation as what they deserve and what they “think” they want.
Harmful “relationships” are not just age-based. They include those in which there is not the same level of emotional maturity (so nope, saying she or he is “legal” now does not give you a pass — -especially when we know the brain does not fully develop until someone is 25 — -so your 45 year-old brain needs to stay away from that 20 year-old one). They include not offering crumbs and platitudes to a victimized person and then introducing the same sexual overtures that harmed them in the past.
When Jada “Red Table Talks” herself, it is also not the time for her to claim she was the victim in this. It is not the time to claim that she was “missing something” in her own life. That cannot be the narrative. It is not one that we allow (or at lease most do not allow) for men who engage in the same behavior — -and our womanhood should not give us a pass. If she has done what August claims, there is no excuse for it.
Jada had the opportunity to model for a young man whose life was filled with mental health issues, sexual abuse, and other traumas — -what true nurturing, love, and healthy boundaries look like — -instead, she became another paragraph in his trauma story — -and that needs to be called out.
#AugustAlsina #JadaSmith #RedTableTalk #SupportSurvivors
Dr. Tyffani Dent is a Licensed Psychologist. She centers the needs of Black women and girls in her work. This centering also includes addressing when Black women are the ones causing harm. She believes survivors. She also believes lawsuits happen, thus the use of words such as “alleged” in this piece.